Men are unwilling to commit. It’s a common enough complaint that Google can barely find time to search for any other topics. The reasons, experts say, range from fear, selfishness, indecision, to emasculation.
Yet men as young as eighteen are committing to a lifetime with an arm covered by a tattooed dragon swallowing a skull, or the logo of a hometown sports franchise which might gladly pack up the uniforms and depart in the middle of the night. The average lifespan of an American male is nearing 76, meaning Junior’s cool Metallica ink, though destined to fade, might outlast all but the longest marriages.
A Kansan, Jeffery Wade Chapman, committed to the word “murder,” badly tattooed on his neck in giant block letters. He seems to have done it himself in the mirror, perhaps as a sort of to-do list.
When he was charged with fatally shooting Damon Galyardt in 2011, the presiding judge denied a defense request for tat removal but allowed him to wear a turtleneck to court. Chapman was convicted anyway and sentenced to a Hard 25.
The sweater couldn’t save his neck, but his neck will at least save Chapman from constantly answering the question, “So, what are you in for?” There’s no word on whether he has added an -ER at the end.
Commitment, as the divorce rate proves, can often be painful and misguided. Reformed skinhead Bryon Widner endured 25 surgeries to decouple from his white power beliefs. A sympathetic, anonymous donor picked up the tab.
Johnny Depp famously had his Winona Forever tat altered to Wino Forever, embracing the inevitable. His later spat with Amber Heard spawned a slew of tattoo removal ads offering to disappear the names of long-gone loves. Decommitment, you might call it.
At least in instances of ink, it might be best to heed the words of the fictional surgeon Hawkeye Pierce. When Radar O’Reilly was considering a tattoo, Hawkeye advised, “Don’t hang any picture on your body that you wouldn’t hang on your wall.”
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