Category: Mixed Messages

  • Gone Boy

    On Wednesdays of junior year, I caught a ride to high school with a scrappy teen from my neighborhood named Chuck. We had been classmates since first grade, though never actual friends, but I could use the lift, and he could use the five bucks to fuel his rustbucket Chevy Impala, which barely seemed reliable enough to make it across town.

    1969 Chevrolet beater

    Not the actual car, alas. Possibly better than the actual car.

    Once, on Highway 41, a guy in a Cadillac tailgaited us for a few miles then followed us into a left turn lane, stopping inches from our back bumper. Chuck shut off the engine, waited until the left turn arrow changed to green, then got out — achingly slowly — and opened the Impala’s hood.

    The guy behind us was trapped by heavy passing traffic and couldn’t pull out to get by. I stayed in the car, staring straight ahead and listening to Dark Side of the Moon. Chuck kept up the car-trouble pantomime for three complete cycles of the light. Finally, he closed the hood, started the car and continued to school. All of this without a word.

    A few Wednesday mornings later I stood by my front door, waiting. Pickup time came and went with no sign of Chuck. After I had missed homeroom, still waiting, I called his house. Chuck’s mother asked, was I crazy? He took his books and left to get you an hour ago.

    When I finally got to school there was no sign of him, and in fact I never saw or spoke to him again. Months later I heard he had driven the Impala to Arizona to live with his equally scrappy brother, and that his mom never stopped believing I had somehow been involved in the plot.

    I picture him throwing textbooks out the window as he crosses the plains, lightening his load and hoping to reach the next gas station.

  • 23-peat

    BIZ PRESS – The DNA testing firm 23andMe continues to struggle after declaring bankruptcy in late March, though courts have cleared the way for Regeneron Pharmaceuticals to buy the company, which has lost millions of dollars since its heyday in 2021. Officials originally blamed the bankruptcy on weak demand and fallout from a data breach, but internal audits have revealed that more than half of all American men who visited the company’s website mistakenly believed it was a discussion forum focused on their lifelong personal devotion to Michael Jordan.

    Chicago Bulls jersey
  • Hijinks

    Girl on park swing

    I have no children, no firsthand experience, and never have any idea how old strangers’ children are, but feel strongly that all existing children, when in public, should have their ages displayed prominently on their clothing, thus making it easier for me to later describe that hilariously cute thing they did. Because making a labradoodle wear a watermelon rind for a hat is charming from a three-year-old, but just abusive from a high school junior.

    Pixabay photo by Rudy and Peter Skitterians